Love is Retarded
by shadowwolf547
Summary: Love isn't blind, it's just retarded.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

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 **Love is Retarded**

"I'm out of my mind, I'M OUT OF MY MIND!" Rex shouted, going into a panic as he paced around the room, fumbling with his tie.

"I'll say, you're actually getting married." Noah replied amusedly from the window, watching the twenty-nine year old man back and forth. "No one saw that coming."

"True, true, want to know what else no one expected?" Rex asked, crossing the room, grabbing Noah by the shoulders, his face only inches away from the blond's, coming across as insane. "I'm marring Annie, what was I thinking? I'm not even going to make it to our first anniversary."

"Dude, there's a bet you won't even make it pass the I do's"

"Aren't you my best man?" Rex asked sceptically, glaring at his best friend. "You're meant to be encouraging me to get married."

"No, I meant to encourage you to live." Noah corrected with a grin. "And I don't see you waking up tomorrow."

"I should have picked Bobo." Rex grumbled as his lean form sagged in defeat, staring in disbelief at his friend.

"To late, I already got the ring." Noah replied with a smug grin, holding the ring up in proof of his claim. "If you had actually had a ring bearer this could have been a different story though... by the way, why didn't you get Bobo to be the ring bearer, he's the perfect size."

"Because of the chance he'll go and sell them at some pawn shop." Rex sighed, placing a hand to his face as he imagined the trigger happy monkey having and selling the rings, probability only to lose the cash in poker.

"Oh right, good point." Noah agreed with a nodded of his head, stroking his goatee, almost imagining the same thing. The only difference was instead of poker, Noah could see the monkey being held up by his feet and being shaken until the last dime fell out. Shaking his head of the thought, the young blond looked up to see the weary, worried features of his friend's face. Deciding he could at least try to calm the man's nerves, he placed a hand on the Hispanic's shoulder in support. "Hey pal you got this. You've been through worst."

"Then why do I feel like going through everything again at once is better than this?" Rex asked unsurely, looking a little pale.

"That's just your sanity talking." Noah responded, as he went over to the boy's side, leaving his hand on Rex's shoulder so his arm wrapped around him. Rex smiled slightly as a thanks before looking worried again, which only brought an idea across the young blond's mind, a wicked grin spreading across his lips. "Another surprise, who knew you had one of those?"

"Jeez, with a friend like you why would I need an enemy." Rex said, passing a glare over at the blond.

"Someone to bash into?" Noah replied without much thought.

"True." Rex agreed as the two started laughing, only stopping when they heard a knock on the door. They both looked over as it creaked open, a monkey in a suit popping through the gap. "It's time kid." Was all he said before leaving, not bothering to wait for the groom.

"I-it's time?" Rex stuttered, paling at the thought. It was time, in a couple of minutes he will be married, no longer a free man, but chained down with a danger -to-deadly prone wife.

"Well, it's been nice knowing you bro." Noah replied, amusement evident in his voice as he patted the man back with a toothy grin.

"But, I don't want to die." Rex replied, looking defeated as his head and shoulders fell.

"Well there's the door and a window, it's your choice." Noah said, gesturing to the door and open window instantly getting a glare from the young groom.

"You're not doing your job right!"

"Well you're making my job complicated." Noah retorted. "What do you want more, to be alive or to get married to the cute girl."

"I don't want to die." Rex stated, Noah immediately helping the Hispanic towards the window. "But she is cute." Noah changed his course and walked towards the door, dragging the hesitant hero.

"I don't want death at wedding on my grave stone." Noah changed course back to the window at Rex's answer, only to turn back to the door. "But, she's funny."

"But I don't actually want to die by my wife." This time the they only turned around before Rex opened his mouth. "Did I say she was cute?"

"That's it! Out we go." Noah shouted as he ran his hands through his hair before dragging Rex towards the door. "You're getting married even if it leads to your death. On the bright side if you die at least we don't need you to put you in a suit... actually if you die now, we can quickly turned this into a funeral."

"Not helping Noah." Rex shouted as he was forcibly pushed through the halls of the church. He struggled under Noah's grip but surprising the young blond was stronger then he looks.

"But I am helping, I'm dragging you down the idle. And if you die, I'll be a poll bearer on the way out." Noah joked, laughing quit loudly, which was only emphasised by the hall's echo.

"You're not being a poll bearer! If I die you're being buried with me!" Rex shouted, not at all amused by the enjoyment Noah was having joking about his upcoming demise. It only increased his nervousness.

"Dude, I never knew you felt that way about me, to want me pressed against you for all eternity. Why will you marry Annie and not me?" Noah asked pushing Rex into a large room before stopping, placing a hand over his chest as he spoke, only to grab Rex's shoulders with both hands and shake the mechanic hero.

"Shut it!" Rex responded before hearing the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. Startled, Rex paled as he realized he was no longer in the corridors and the innocent looking smile on Noah's face looking behind him told him exactly where he was. Hesitantly, Rex turned back around, looking into the large cream room. It looked like the average church, with its pillars standing tall, reaching for the roof and it's wooden floor. There were several pictures, most depicting Jesus Christ with a few St Johns and other famous known Saints decorating the walls. There were several rows of seats, each one filled with people, most laughing or giggling at the two. Some didn't seem to pleased though, the ones on the bride's side, and neither did the Priest. Rex smiled sheepishly at the balding man, only one word coming to mind. "Sorry."

The Priest didn't say a word, he only looked away from the two and pointed at the ground in front of him. Gulping, Rex moved taking his place in front of the priest, getting a nod from Six as he walked past the man and a laughing Bobo. Noah, now chuckling, stood between Rex and Six giving a thumbs up as Rex passed a nervous glance at him just as the music started to play.

The traditional wedding song began to play smoothly from the piano a moment later, with a couple of violinists for backup, signalling the bridesmaids to walk out from the front of the church, down the red carpet and towards the podium. Each one looking stunning in their red dresses as they moved down the walkway slowly, Noah clearly admiring Claire. The girls move smoothly, as they walked down aisle, each one smiling knowingly at Rex, like they each knew something Rex didn't, before taking their places.

It took a while, but after the third bridesmaid there was only one more lady to walked down the aisle. Annie, the bride and future wife of Rex was about to make her entrance. Rex waited dreadfully, sweating in places he didn't know he could sweat, drenching his suit as he waited.

"Duh da duh da, I am so dead." Rex sang softly to the beat of the piano, lowering his head nervously, though that quickly turned to rage as Noah leaned over to him and whispered into his ears.

"I know this is a bad time, but can I have your TV?" Noah was lucky he couldn't respond, otherwise he probably would've tackled him to the floor for getting a kick out of annoying him on his wedding day. No, he took a deep breath and cooled his nerves. It didn't work but, he did seem a little less ticked. It was then Noah nudged him. At first Rex thought he was about to say something else to fire him right back up, but this time, instead of annoying him, it was to look up, for in that moment, as Rex lifted his head he saw the most amazing, the most beautiful girl in the world.

The world suddenly became really slow, all sound almost disappearing from existence with only some ringing bells in Rex's head and his heart beating making it through. His heart was actually more banging at that moment, sounding like a sledgehammer as it picked up its pace and rammed into his chest. Heat rushed to Rex's face and his eyes opened as wide as they possibly could as he stared admiringly at the angel walking towards him. Rex didn't even notice her father. It was like everyone in the whole world had disappeared and they're were the only two remaining, and Rex was fine with that.

All nervousness, feelings of dread and fear vanished without a trace at one glance at the short blond haired girl wearing a white wedding dress. The sparkle in her eyes shining brightly as she stared into Rex's, who stared back with tears building in his. Sobs, gasps and aws suddenly broke out, echoing louder than the music as the distance between the two love birds close.

There was some laughter, but when the Groom let his jaw hit the floor with a resounding bang, it was due, not that anyone blamed him. Annie looked absolutely beautiful, any guy would be jealous, if they didn't know how danger prone she was. Her long, flowing, snow white dress fitted her perfectly, showing off every curve just right but still leaving enough room for her to breath.

"Oh man, she's beautiful." Rex gasped with a tint of pink on his face, his eyes never leaving his stunning bride. "I retract all previous statements. I'll be happy to die here."

"That's good, because I'm pretty sure you're on borrowed time at the moment. But don't you worry, I already have your death certificate in my pocket in case things go wrong. Who am I kidding, things are definitely going to go wrong." As if on cue, Annie tripped over her long flowing dress, knocking her father into the bleachers. What happened next seemed to be like domino line as one by one, the people were shoved into one another until right til the end where a child quickly shot out of his seat, not watching where he was going, and slammed into a violinist, who thrust her bow to hard and threw it across the room, heading right for Rex Head.

"Hit the deck!" Acting quick, Noah thrust himself and Rex to the ground just missing the long projectile skimming the groom's hair before crashing hard into the ground. Noah looked up a second after, his head examining the room until sighing in relief as the excitement stopped, watching as a bunch of the guests helped Annie and her father back to their feet. "That was close. Still feel okay with dying?"

"I don't care, as long as I'm married to her." Rex replied, his heads resting In his hands as he stared dreamily at his sheepishly smiling fiancé. Getting back up, Rex took Annie's hand from her father, nodding nervous as the father whispered something into his ear, and walked back over to the priest, leaving Noah on the ground as if nothing had happen.

"What you know, love is retarded." Noah mused as he got off the ground and dusted himself off, returning to Rex's side, patting the man back in support. Rex instantly looked to his side staring blankly at his blond friend.

"Noah? When did you get here?" Rex's asked. It took a moment for Noah to realize he was actually serious before face palming while Annie giggled at her husband's forgetfulness. 'Yep, Love is retarded... or maybe he's just retarded.'

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 **AN:** This story was made by total boredom with no motivation to do anything else. Sorry that it's not my best work. Hope you enjoyed it and looking forward to any feedback you may send my way. Shadowwolf547 out.


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